Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
