I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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