i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
