Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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