Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
