i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
