Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
