Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
