Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
