I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's never too late to be topless.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
