Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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