Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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