I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
