New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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