i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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