Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
