what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Four minutes until I can fart!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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