Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I died a long time ago.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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