I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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