You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Sober January is a disaster.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
