If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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