After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
