I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can't just leave with hair like that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
