She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she pinky promised me she was 18
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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