This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
