There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
