yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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