yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
