just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
