I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
