need another drink. this is the easiest way
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
