This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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