he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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