I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
