And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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