Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
