WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
