my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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