I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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