I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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