your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
