Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
