you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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