Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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