Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
