first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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