I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
