dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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