Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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