Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she told me i tasted like america
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
