he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
