I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
