I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
