his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
