Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
