I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm too high and old for this...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
