The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
