I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
