i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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