How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
