ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
